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The 5 Hidden Talents of Runners

By Cynthia Steele, 10/21/14, 4:00PM EDT

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A humorous take on the things that make us runners.

Runners are a special breed. Not only do we methodically plot and plan our running routes, run short and long distances in all sorts of weather, and then return home to obsess about our mileage and pace, but we even have a few hidden talents! We may prefer to keep these things private, we may be embarrassed, but today we’re going to come clean and let the world know the secret talents we have as runners!

man dancing on a treadmill

1. Texting while running.

Yes, I’ve done it. Haven’t we all done it? There may be laws against texting while driving, but there aren’t any such laws about texting while running. Yet. The trick is to use one hand, keep it short, have a keyboard like Swype and keep your eyes on the sidewalk, lest you find yourself with a twisted ankle. I’m hoping to master the voice-recognition texting soon, but my heavy breathing keeps confusing my phone.

person falling while running

2. Doing the dog-get-away-from-me-dance.

Dodging dogs is one of my specialties. I’ve developed a half-dance, half-run fancy-footwork technique that gets me out of the line of fire. As a dog owner myself (Great Dane owners, unite!), I’m familiar with the desire to let your dog have some freedom. But keep it to a fenced-in area or else you’ll give a nearby runner a heart attack (unless they’ve perfected the dog-get-away-from-me-dance).

Running dog by a beach

3. Directional spitting.

This may not seem like a big deal to a non-runner, but have you ever tried to spit out the window of a moving car? It quickly splats all over the car (not that I’d know or anything…). Likewise, if you’ve tried to spit while running, you’ve likely had the unpleasant experience of that gross blob quickly splatting all over your shirt. Nobody wants that. As runners, we’ve had to develop a special technique to avoid this mess — shooting straight into the grass or nearby trees. Now that’s talent. I’m not even going to talk about snot rockets because I just can’t go there.

Track runner spitting a giant wad

4. Peeing in random places.

Men have all the luck; they can just cut off the path quickly, hide behind a tree and the deed is done. Women, on the other hand, have to be more strategic. We carefully scour the sidelines of our running route for the most strategic place to duck off the path, acting very innocent (nothing to see here!) and do our business, all the while hoping that nobody sees us.

woman ducking to the side of the racetrack, possibly peeing

5. Painting where the toenails should be.

Ladies, you may be familiar with this already if you’ve delved into longer distances, but for you guys, here’s the real deal. A true women’s secret. Running long distances sometimes causes you to lose a toenail (or three). So what’s a lady to do when she wants to don fancy open-toed shoes? Nail polish. There’s not a toenail under that pretty pink polish, but I’ll never tell!

Toes with black nail polish

Yes, we runners are a special breed. We dodge loose dogs, we spit while in motion, we text with one hand while running, we pee in the bushes, we paint our lost toenails. And all these little hidden talents make the run that much more enjoyable.

So how about it — do you do any of these things? Are you ready to come clean and let the world know your hidden talents?

Follow Cynthia’s adventures in running on her blog: You Signed Up For WHAT?!

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